


Moving On

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: Sometimes, doing nothing is the most courageous thing of all.





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: starts with “Beneath the Surface”, then moves on to “The Curse”, “Absolute Power”, “The Light”, “Entity”, “Double Jeopardy”

Contrary to what most folks would have you believe, the most significant changes do not occur incrementally, but rather with a crash and a boom, between one breath and the next.

I can tell you to the minute when everything changed, at least for me. It was when we were trapped in that underground hell with our memories erased. They might have taken our memories but they couldn’t erase my dreams. And in those dreams, it was Daniel who was standing there, framed by his Stargate, beckoning to me.

I might have woken one morning and not known who Daniel was, but I knew what he was. Wrong or right ceased to exist in that artificial world, but my feelings for him was the only thing that I knew, deep down, were real and true and could be trusted.

Then reality kicked me in the teeth when Carter looked at me and called me sir. And I was Colonel O’Neill, the best the Air Force had to offer, once again. I couldn’t acknowledge what I finally came to realize there. 

That it was always going to be Daniel for me, no one else was ever going to come close. But there is the little matter of the Air Force, which doesn’t take kindly to commanding officers diddling their team members. They take an even dimmer view if that team member happens to be of the same sex.

I’m ashamed to admit that my need to maintain the façade, of being ‘the man’, was greater, at that point, than my need for Daniel. So I did what we men always do in situations we can’t conquer. We ignore them, hope they will go away, deny their presence by whatever method we deem necessary. 

To my everlasting embarrassment, one of those methods included dating a myriad of women to prove to myself that I was still the big man. I’m also ashamed that I started signing off on Daniel to go play with other teams more and more often until it surely became apparent to everyone in the galaxy that SG-1 could no longer work and play well together.

It all came to a head for me when General Hammond asked me in no uncertain terms if I wanted Daniel off my team.

I sputtered and fumbled, trying not to lie to the good general like I’d been lying to myself.

“Colonel O’Neill, it hasn’t escaped my notice that Dr. Jackson has, in these past six months, spent more times with other teams than he has with his own. I was willing to let this go on, because I saw the merit of having Dr. Jackson’s expertise where it is most needed. But I have to tell you that this morning, I received an informal, shall we say, request for Dr. Jackson’s permanent transfer to another team.”

“Son of a bitch! I’ll kill him!” I’m on my feet.

“Before you go off half-cocked, Colonel, let me tell you the request did not come from Dr. Jackson. It came from another team leader, who saw an opportunity to improve his team.” Oh, I know just who that is, I’ve caught Dawson chatting Daniel up more than once. I try to tune the general back in despite my fury. “I can’t fault him for that. He believes he is reading the situation correctly, that neither you nor Dr. Jackson is happy with the present make-up of SG-1. Is he correct, Colonel?”

“I don’t want Daniel off the team, sir. It’s just….complicated.” I’m at a loss for words.

He didn’t get to sit in the big chair by being nice. Or stupid. “Well, un-complicate it. Colonel, you need to decide right now what you want your team to look like. While you’re making that decision, I have agreed to loan,” he emphasizes the word, “Dr. Jackson to SG-5 for this mission. Perhaps by the time he gets back, you will have gotten your head out of your ass. Dismissed.”

I get the hell out of there.

*

As luck would have it, the first person I see in the hallway is none other than Colonel William Dawson, from SG-11. There is a satisfied look on his face that makes me instantly suspicious. “Colonel, could we have a word?”

If he knows what this is about, he doesn’t let on, just nods and follows me to my office. As soon as I shut the door behind him, I let him have it. “Colonel, just so you know. Dr. Jackson is on my team and although I may occasionally allow others to borrow him, I don’t appreciate someone trying to steal one of my team members.”

He doesn’t even blink, the bastard. “I’d say what you don’t appreciate is what you’ve got.” His pause is just shy of being subordinate. “Sir.”

Ever mindful of the punishment for striking a lower ranking officer, I loom as only I can. I know because I’ve been practicing this move for years. “Colonel,” making sure he remembers that I outrank him, “please keep in mind which of us is Dr. Jackson’s commanding officer.”

He gets the last word in, pausing at the door. “For the time being, sir, that would be Colonel Fraley.”

 

*

I must admit the little balcony scene he and I played out shook me to the core. I never, ever, saw Daniel as being suicidal. But my heart was literally in my throat when I stepped out there and realized he was standing on the wrong goddammed side of the railing. One thought kept boring into my skull during that horrible day and the equally horrible ones that followed.

It was my fault. My fault that Daniel felt so abandoned, so completely without hope, and probably worse than anything else, alone, that stepping off that balcony was a solution that he would actually consider. 

*

Three weeks in a palace by the sea sounds like heaven. It turned in to three weeks from hell, since I was also stuck on a planet with a man I was in love with, a woman with whom I’d just broken up and a man who probably wanted to kill me. 

Carter and I had had a huge fight over the weekend, about her completely understandable frustration at having to hide our true relationship, hence her decision to spend her downtime with Daniel. On another planet. Miles and miles away from me.

The tension was apparent to everyone; the result of which was that Daniel quietly moved his sleeping quarters as far away from us as he could get, incorrectly assuming we needed the privacy. Teal’c, on the other hand, thought Daniel needed no privacy so he moved his kit so that he was sleeping within arm’s length of him every night.

This left Carter and I in separate rooms and barely speaking to each other. She’d finally figured out how much below her I was on the dating scale and she let me down not so gently, maintaining that she still respected me as a commander but felt there was no future in our relationship.

And while I wasn’t looking, Teal’c and Daniel had gotten closer than ever. In my darkest days, I could see Daniel turning to Teal’c, what’s not to love? Big strong guy, could protect you from the bad guys and stupid commanding officers. Not to mention the fact that he could probably fuck all night long and teach all of us a thing or two with his one hundred years of experience. 

I don’t think it was just the light that was causing my depression.

*

 

“Yeah, but you were the one who wanted to make nice with the damn thing!” Daniel and I have been going around and around about that computer thingy that gobbled up Carter.

“Unlike some people, I don’t automatically think we should shoot everything we don’t understand.” His voice is cool but I know he’s furious all the same. “It attacked us because it perceived us as having attacked it. It wasn’t deliberately trying to harm us, at least not at first.”

“You were the one who wanted to talk to it!”

“And I still don’t think that was wrong. I think Sam would agree with me.”

“If she could actually talk that is, instead of lying in the infirmary recovering from being dead.” I’m still reeling from being forced to zat Carter but that in no way excuses the next thing that comes out of my stupid mouth. “But maybe you like it that way?”

His face goes completely still. “What did you say?”

“Ambition was never a word I associated with you, Daniel, but I guess our little boy grew up, didn’t he? I did wonder why Raynor still hates you after all these years. Did you step over his body to get to be Jordan’s favorite? Seems you’ve developed quite a knack for coming out on top.” Somewhere in the back of my mind there is a voice warning me, screaming at me to please stop now, just shut up, shut up! But I don’t listen. “Admit it; you’ve always been jealous of Carter. Well, congratulations, you just maneuvered your way to the top of the heap. You just had to kill Carter to get there. Sweet trick, that. Get me to pull the trigger, keep the blood off your own hands.”

I swear I’ve seen corpses with more color. He turns and walks away from me without a word.

I yell at him to come back, but he keeps going. And I’m going to have to live to be a few centuries old before I forget that shattered look in his eyes.

*

Daniel has been avoiding Carter ever since she and her body got back together. I’ve seen her hurt look a few times, but I’m damned if I’m gonna tell her that it’s my fault. Although, I’ll bet everyone in the whole damned building has probably figured it out by now, considering the fact that I have a certain team member who hasn’t come near me in three days.

Basically, Teal’c is the only one with whom he’s on speaking terms. I torture myself with the fact that they have probably gotten beyond the speaking thing by now.

So when Hammond summons me once again to his office to discuss the disposition of my team, I’m not surprised. “Colonel,” he waves a sheet of paper in front of me, “I have Dr. Jackson’s request for an immediate and permanent transfer off SG-1. Did I not order you to solve this problem?”

“Yes, sir, you did.” I squirm. “However, Daniel and I had a serious difference of opinion of how to handle that thing that took over Carter. In retrospect, I may have said some things that I shouldn’t have.”

“Really?” His voice has a sharp bite of sarcasm. “Dr. Jackson seems to agree with you. He says he is unable to fulfill his duties with SG-1 anymore, that he believes he can no longer contribute to the team. If I don’t reassign him, I’m afraid we’re going to lose him altogether.”

I straighten up, suddenly alarmed. “Daniel would never quit the program.” Why wouldn’t he, that little voice whispers to me. Face it, O’Neill, it’s not like he’s gonna trust you or Carter at his back ever again.

“The Pentagon has been making noises about having a liaison here at the SGC. It would be a perfect fit for Dr. Jackson. But not for us. I don’t want to remove him from a field unit; we don’t have anyone here who even comes close to his expertise. So I am approving Dr. Jackson’s request to transfer to SG-11 permanently, effective immediately. I know that I can depend on you to make this transition as smooth and painless as possible.”

 

*

I swear, it can’t be more than twenty minutes later that I’m in the locker room to change. Glancing over at the next locker, the breath leaves my lungs in a frenzied rush.

His name has been removed from the locker, the door not quite closed. With shaking hands, I slowly ease the door open. To find it’s completely empty. For the first time in four years, he is no longer at my side where he belongs.

 

*

I ignore the phone that’s vibrating in my pocket. I can’t face Carter or Teal’c right now. The God’s truth is that I can’t face anyone right now. Nothing travels faster than military scuttlebutt, so I figure by now everyone knows that Daniel is off SG-1.

When the elevator opens on eighteen, I am face to face with the one person I absolutely cannot deal with. Daniel looks up, sees me, pales and without a word, turns his back and walks away.

*

I surreptitiously keep tabs on SG-11 over the next few weeks. They’ve been having a great time, doing Dr. Jackson’s bidding. I saw Dawson and Daniel in the commissary one day and I swear there was a twinkle in Daniel’s eye. And Dawson? The guy who hasn’t shown his teeth since he quit believing in Santa Claus, looks almost happy. 

I want to punch both of them right in the mouth.

*

I know I should have apologized to Daniel, but I have left it far too late. If he runs into me on base, he won’t even acknowledge my presence, won’t speak, won’t look. Carter confessed with understandable confusion that she has fared no better, he’s rebuffed all her attempts to reconnect. Teal’c remained silent but I have a suspicion he’s been seeing Daniel behind our backs.

This morning, however, he is in a situation that forces him to seek me out. He needs a supply request for SG-11’s next mission. In order to get the supplies in time, he has to get the request signed today. And since Hammond is tied up and I am second-in-command on base, I’m his only option.

He knocks politely on my door, having already requested, via an equally polite email, a moment of my time and my signature. It’s really not the best time for a confrontation. We just returned from a mission where his robot double got whacked; I’m still reeling from that horrific idea of a gruesomely headless Daniel. Because I can hold a grudge with the best of them, I make him wait while I read every word on the request and make him justify a couple of the things that I don’t understand. 

Finally, he breaks. “Just sign the damned thing, Jack.”

That's the first time he’s spoken my name in six weeks. “Glad to know you still know my name.”

“I’m well aware of your name, Colonel O’Neill,” he answers stiffly. “My request, if you please. And I’ll be on my way and out of your face.”

“Daniel, I never said I wanted you out of my face.” He’s getting impatient, refusing to sit, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I hope you’re having a good time playing with SG-11. When are you coming home?”

“That’s a joke, right?”

“You see me laughing?”

The control he had on himself snaps like a twig. “I don’t have a home and I never did. But thanks for reminding me of that fact!” I open my mouth to answer, but he’s on a roll now. “God damn you, Jack! How can I come back to SG-1, how can I ever work with you or Sam again?”

“Daniel, I never intended to hurt you. You have to know that.”

“No, I don’t know that. I think you believe every word you said, meant every word you said. That I’m an arrogant, power-mad bastard. God knows you’re not alone!”

“Daniel!” I’m stunned at the depth of self-loathing in his voice.

“You deliberately destroyed my relationship with Sam and I dare you to deny that. You don’t want me on your team but you don’t want anyone else to ‘have’ me. Well, tough, it doesn’t work like that. Believe it or not, SG-1 is not the only team in the world. You and Sam have a nice time in your own little universe. Because I’m finished. I’m not playing anymore.”

There is that voice in my mind taunting me with the fact that there is a line when, once crossed, can never be un-crossed, that words can never be unspoken. But I’ve always been able to win him back, get back in his good graces. “None of this is Carter’s fault. I hurt you, I know I did. I don’t have any excuse. After you…on that balcony, I realized what happened, what you were feeling was my fault.”

Oddly enough, he laughs but there’s no humor in it. “My God, you certainly think a lot of yourself, don’t you? You think I tried to kill myself because you love Sam more than me? Because you didn’t pick me to be on your team at recess?” He starts to leave, then turns back with his hand on the door. “Don’t worry about me, Jack.” His voice is soft and for some reason the smile on his face freezes me through and through. “You gotta remember, I’ve been hit by this train before.”

*

 

I’m not surprised when Lt. Carson comes to pick up Daniel’s request.

*

SG-11 ships the next morning, bright and early and I make sure I’m standing in the control room watching Daniel. He looks like hell, it’s obvious he hasn’t gotten enough sleep and his face is emotionless, mask-like. He nods as Dawson slaps his arm, smiles a bit at something Lt. Carson says, glances around, sees me and pointedly turns his back, striding up the gate, away from me.

*

I’m in my office later that day when I get a call requesting my immediate presence in the infirmary. In other circumstances, I would assume that something had happened to…. Shit! I speed up and rush for the elevator.

Frasier meets me in the hallway heading out of the infirmary, leading a medical team running with a gurney. “Colonel, come with us. We’re transferring Dr. Jackson to the base hospital.”

“What happened?” I try to get a look at the gurney but they’ve got him so covered up all I can see is his face. The parts that aren’t covered by a mask are splattered with blood. The fact that they didn’t take time to clean him up tells me that it’s bad.

“I’ll explain later.” I jump back to make room on the elevator as they all pile on. The medical jargon they are bouncing around is frightening and I automatically translate in my head as I try to maneuver around to get a peek at Daniel. Blood loss because of a projectile in the chest, punctured lung, possible loss of oxygen to the brain. I can’t hear anything after that because I finally got a good look at him.

There’s the broken shaft of what looks like an arrow protruding from his chest, right in the center.

As soon as the elevator opens, we’re on the run again. There’s a Medivac chopper waiting up top and an Air Force chopper beside it. Fraiser shoves me toward the other chopper, knowing I want to crawl on board with Daniel. “Go, we don’t have time to argue.” I bolt for the other bird and we’re in the air within minutes.

I keep my eyes on the chopper in front of me, praying like I haven’t in a long time when suddenly my stomach clenches as I realize why Fraiser wanted me.

Unless he changed it, I hold Daniel’s medical power of attorney.

Fuck.

*

Our chopper hovers while Daniel is unloaded and wheeled away. By the time I get down, he’s gone. An airman leads me to a waiting room, telling me Dr. Fraiser will be out as soon as she can.

I realize as I sit there that I didn’t tell Carter or Teal’c and I don’t have my phone with me. And as I hunt for a payphone, it suddenly occurs to me that this is just what I was wishing would happen. That Daniel would come to need me more than he needs Dawson.

Didn’t someone once say something about being careful what you wish for?

*

It’s nearly two hours later that Fraiser comes out, accompanied by a man obviously a surgeon, judging by the blood covered gown. I take one look at her face and shake my head at the expression I see there. “No. No, he’s not dead. So you just go right back in there and do your thing.”

“Colonel, let’s sit, shall we?” She tries to maneuver me into a seat.

I jerk my arm out of her hand. “NO!”

“Colonel, Dr. Jackson is still alive, but he’s in critical condition.” I sit. Well, it’s really more like a controlled fall. “My name is Dr. Nilsson, I’m a thoracic surgeon. We’ve been operating on Dr. Jackson for the past two hours. We’ve removed the projectile, we think we’ve stopped the blood loss.”

“That’s good news, right?” Why the long faces, then?

“Jack.” I cringe at her use of my first name; it’s always bad when she does that, as is her hand on my arm. “Dawson’s team couldn’t do chest compressions due to the wound. We aren’t sure how long he was without oxygen, Jack. There is a possibility of brain damage.”

I clutch at the tiny beacon of hope I see. “But there is a chance he’s okay?”

“The scan shows diminished brain activity.”

“But that could be because of the blood loss or anesthesia, right?” When did I get so knowledgeable about medical terms? I suppose it would be right about the time I dragged a long-haired geek back through the gate and let him talk his way onto my team. Should have put my foot down right there and then. Really should have. I realize they’ve been talking to me. 

“Colonel.”

“I’m sorry, you want to just give up on Daniel? Well, I’m telling you right now, that ain’t gonna happen! As long as there is a chance, even if it’s just a shadow of a chance, that he comes out of this, I’m not pulling the plug on him. And neither of you can make me.”

“Jack, no one is suggesting that. We just want you to be fully informed.”

I can do stubborn with the best of them. “So when can I see him?”

*

Somewhere under all that stuff is Daniel. There’s not much of him showing. His face, now scrubbed clean, is covered by the vent mask. There’s a tube down his throat, his arms are sporting wires, tubes, leads, there is the familiar bag under the bed so that means a catheter. 

I walk over and slide my thumb gently across his forehead. “What the hell kind of mess did you get into this time, Daniel? Haven’t Teal’c and I taught you any better? Fraiser is here with you, looking after you, so you’d better behave yourself. You know how she is, she’s gonna make your life miserable until you get out of here. Until you come home.” I pull the chair closer, gently pick his hand up and lay it on top of mine. “So what have you and SG-11 been up to these days?”

*

They keep very strict visiting hours here at the base hospital, especially in intensive care. The first fifteen minutes of every hour, I’m by Daniel’s side, talking to him, letting him know I’m here, that I’m not giving up on him.

To everyone’s surprise, except mine, he makes it through the first twenty-four hours. I know this was a huge hurdle and Fraiser doesn’t have to tell me that she didn’t expect him to live this long. I realized how worried she was when they didn’t kick us out after the 0300 visit, allowing me to stay straight through until the 0700 shift change, letting Teal’c, Carter and the members of SG-11 come and go. Her expression said it all, that Daniel was failing, that he wasn’t going to last.

I appealed to Daniel’s stubborn nature, dared him to prove them all wrong. And damned if he didn’t, he lived through that long night.

After the 0900 visit, she and Dr. Nilsson admit that Daniel will probably live but there was still a chance that he may never fully recover, may never walk or talk or breathe on his own. I give them my distinguished repertoire of curse words before I tromp downstairs and kick the shit out of some garbage cans.

That’s where Teal’c finds me after Fraiser sent him to stop me from killing something. “O’Neill.” I whirl around, my fist cocked back, just stopping myself from plowing it into his face.

“Dammit, Teal’c. I would have hit you!”

“You would not.” I’m not sure he’s saying he has faith in my ability to stop myself or his ability to stop me. “I have every faith that Daniel Jackson will recover. He is too stubborn to do otherwise. We shall not relinquish him.” Teal’c gives me that look that leaves volumes unspoken.

*

I finally got Nilsson to admit that Daniel’s brain is showing signs of more activity. He, being a doctor, cautioned me about getting excited about it. I point out that at least he’s going in the right direction. The thing is, with the exception of Fraiser, they don’t know Daniel like I do. It’s not just his brain; it’s the fact that he’s stubborn as hell and won’t give up, no matter what.

*

“So, here’s the deal, Daniel. All the doctors here think your brain is fried. I know better, you know better, but you have to help me convince them. You need to wake up and start talking, preferably in one of the languages that I understand.” If he is hearing me, he doesn’t react at all. “Teal’c is here and Carter, too. Hell, even Dawson and SG-11 are here.” 

One of his monitors gives a sudden, cheerful beep. “Hey, was that you? SG-11, is that what got you excited? They’re here, Daniel, they’re all okay. Dawson told me what happened, how you took that shot that should have hit Carson. What did I tell you about that? Although, I do admit, she’s quite pretty. I’ll just bet you were trying to impress her, weren’t you? Well, you succeeded. She came in here and wailed all over you. Don’t remember that, do you?” His heart monitor starts to dance. I hear people coming in behind me. “Hey, come on, I know you’re trying. You just gotta try harder.”

“Colonel?”

“He’s waking up, Doc. Can’t you see?”

“Keep talking to him, sir, while I monitor his vitals.”

I grasp his hand, squeezing tightly. “Open up those eyes, come on, Daniel.”

*

It takes several more minutes of cajoling and pleading, but finally, those eyes flutter open. His forehead creases as he slowly looks around. I squeeze his hand, waiting. No matter how bad it gets between us, I’m always the first one he looks for, asks for. His gaze lights on me for a minute, then before I can speak, slides over to the nurse on his other side.

“Good morning, Dr. Jackson, how are you feeling?” He tries to speak around the tube, but nothing comes out. I feel him tighten his hand in mine. “That tube can come out just as soon as Dr. Fraiser is satisfied you can do without it. Is there anything we can get you?”

His eyes dart back to mine and he stares at me, clearly puzzled. “Hey, Daniel. Do you need something?” He nods imperceptibly. “Okay, no water yet, maybes some ice after you get that tube out. Carter and Teal’c are outside, with SG-11. They’re all dying to see you.”

He works his mouth and finally gets a word out. My heart lurches when I realize what he’s trying to say, what he’s whispering. “She’s...she’s right outside, do you want to see her?” He nods again. Swallowing my disappointment, I rise. “I’ll send her in.”

I stand at the doorway for a long minute, then compose myself before heading to the waiting room. They all bolt to their feet. “He’s awake. He’s asking for Lt. Carson.” She runs for the door, her long hair flying behind her. In civvies, with her hair down, she looks very, very young. I can’t help myself, I follow her back to Daniel’s ICU unit.

She is crying as she clutches his hand, as he mouths her name. “Maddie.”

*

It is torture to sit here while SG-11 troops in to visit Daniel. Dawson told us how Daniel leaped in front of the petite Madeline Carson, taking an arrow that would probably have killed her. 

“Listen, Deidre said to tell you that this was a pathetic way of welshing on your promise to come to dinner.”

“Sorry,” Daniel mouths with a hint of a smile.

“Yeah, well, I just bet you are, leaving me alone with her meatloaf. As soon as you’re able, she’s coming down here with a casserole with your name on it.”

I stand back and watch as SG-11 envelops Daniel, petting on him, babying him, and basically doing what we have done for him for years. Only he has a new family now. One that has opened its arms and taken him into its fold. I don’t know why I thought this wasn’t inevitable, that they wouldn’t come to love him like we did.

I walk silently away.

*

Carter and Teal’c are in the waiting room and I ask them to follow me down to the chapel. I have to confess so this seems as good a place as any.

“This is all my fault. The reason Daniel left SG-1, the reason he shut you out, Carter. It’s all my doing.”

“Please explain, O’Neill.”

“When that thing took over Carter, I….I accused Daniel of being glad to have her out of the way. Of trying to…to kill her.”

“Sir.” Carter is visibly shocked. “How could you? This is Daniel we’re talking about. He would never…”

”I know that, and I knew it then and still said it. He said I deliberately sabotaged your relationship and he was right. I was jealous and stupid and we all paid for it.”

“Poor Daniel! I have to talk to him.” She starts to rise and I stop her.

“There’s more. I’m sorry, Carter. But I used you.”

“You refer to your off-base relationship?” We both whip our heads in his direction. “Do not think the changes in your manner went unnoticed by either myself or Daniel Jackson, because they did not. Although I wanted to speak to you, both of you, he counseled me to be patient and tolerate the situation. O’Neill, am I correct in assuming your reasoning was to defer attention from your true feelings for Daniel Jackson?”

“Yes. When we were stuck on that damned hell-hole with out memories wiped, I couldn’t remember anything else. But I remembered loving Daniel,” I swallowed hard, “being in love with him. And when we got back? I couldn’t acknowledge what I felt. So I fought it, used Carter, shoved Daniel away so that he didn’t have any other choice but to leave.”

“Sir, what are we going to do?”

“Nothing. We’re not going to do anything. Daniel is happy with SG-11 and they love him. I’m not asking him to give that up to come back and put with my crap.”

“But we can’t just...”

“We can and we will. If he comes out of this...”

“When he recovers. O’Neill. Not if.” Teal’c rebukes me sternly.

“Sorry. When he recovers, we give him the choice. I’ll apologize to him and let him know if he wants back on SG-1, we want him back. All of us.”

“And what will you tell Daniel Jackson of your feelings?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. He doesn’t need to know this. Ever. If he knew the truth, he’d never come back.”

“Do you not believe he deserves the truth?”

My desire for escape stops at the chapel door. “What I believe, Teal’c, is that he deserves far better than I’ve ever given him.”

*

Carson is still in there with Daniel when I get back upstairs. Dawson is standing by the door, watching them. “I’d hate to have to split my team.” He murmurs softly, without looking at me.

I take a deep breath and prepare to be a bigger man than I’ve ever been. “You don’t have to worry about Daniel. Whatever happens between the two of them, he won’t let it affect the team. He won’t let you down. Just,” my breath threatens to catch, “just take care of him, okay?” 

I walk away.


End file.
